Catapult

Adam Duritz is brilliant to begin with.

On the cd "Recovering the Satellites," the opening track is called "Catapult." This song was written from a perspective of wondering if life in the spotlight, or on the road, or always performing can mess your mind up.
While the crows were touring in support of the "August" cd, Kurt Cobain killed himself. This sent Adam into thoughts of wondering if there is just no way to handle life when people think you are something you are not. When Catapult was written about a year later, he thought of Kurt and he realized that there are ways to deal with it; you basically have to be strong and balanced.

all that is to say..

This has been my favorite crows song since i first heard it. If you have been around me while i have had a few cocktails and this song has come on, there is a good chance that i have told you to make damn sure that it's played at my funeral.
What i love about music, especially songwriting, is that you can hear and interpret songs so many different ways, and as we as people evolve, the songs that mean something to us evolve right along with us.
Autumn in Repair has been in the studio all week working on some new stuff that i am really excited about. This always gets my wheels turning with thoughts like, "oh man, what if we are working on the songs that are going to take us to the big time." There is such a fine line between the people who want to make it big because they feel like people will really love their songs, and there are those who want to make it big to have a fucking nice car and sleep with people. I could kill those people, and unfourtunately, they are the majority.
As i have been playing with Riddle for the last year, i have seen him change with the fame. (albeit Christian, its still there) He is not a diva, but he has a lot more expectations then he did a year ago. I dont think there is anything wrong with that, but it shows that EVERYONE will be different if you throw success at them.

I'm way off track now..all THAT is to say...

I was listening to Catapult last night, after being in the studio for the last few days thinking i would be a rockstar, after a year of catered veggie trays and sugar free redbull in every greenroom, having been picked up from the aiport by someone holding a sign that says my name on it, trying and failing ten thousand times to get A.I.R. out there and more popular, after writing 15 shitty songs for everyone good one that falls out...

and i heard this line, and i about threw up with the reality of what he is saying..

" I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes,
because i know there's little things about me that would sing in the silence of so much rejection
in every connection i make. I can't find nobody home."

For Fuck's sake friends. This is me!!!

ah the joys..

hi friends.
just played a show for people who were indifferent.
thats always fun.
and its colder than shit here. (denver)
good show last night.
good show tomorrow.
as Meatloaf always says, "2 outta 3 aint bad"

see ya'll soon

Real Friends

"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant."-- Socrates

Yes. I went to friendship.com to find a quote. And, yes. I am feeling a little sappy at the moment, but I wanted to make a declaration of how much I appreciate the friendship we have come to share.

I went to lunch today with people in my law school class. I have hung out with these same people before and had a decent time, but this time, things were different. I realized today that they are all really dependent on these "new" friendships they are making and are, therefore, forced to fake it even though they may not really like or have much in common with these people. Talk about awkward conversations. I was thankful as I sat and listened to their conversations that showed me how superficial and insincere many of their relationships with each other are.

I was glad I didn't have to depend on relationships like that right now in this stressful time of life. I was thankful that I have such real friends in my life who encourage me, inspire me, and challenge me constantly. I was thankful that our friendship is well-established and doesn't require a lot of upkeep. I was thankful for people who share ideals and understand me. I often have wondered if other people have friends who are as true and good as the ones I've been lucky enough to find. I don't think they are. And although that makes me sad, it also makes me very satisfied.

Somehow, at the same time, it gives me confidence to move forward in the day to day struggle of life. To be able to place myself in a larger story--I guess this goes back to "@'s" Joseph Campbell quote--to find a meaning of life in the experience of living, is soul-sustaining.

Porchnight in December!

I want to preserve for posterity the fact that we all gathered last night, December 1, on our porch to enjoy the company of friends. The weather was perfect! I'm glad we all could get together--it had been awhile. And today it's freezing-ass bitter cold out there and I just watched the wind blow over one of our chairs. I hate winter.