I'm not blameless. I know this to my core. There is stuff in my life. lots of stuff. its there, whatever.
I hear things that make me want to go insane.
anger problem.
I can not throw the first stone at anyone. Remember that, B.
I have fucked up many times. i have hurt many people. I will hurt people in the future. i would like to think that i wont, but i will.
When i am wronged, i dont handle it very well.
anger problem.
I have a hard time forgiving. I have an even harder time moving on. Parent issues?
Everyone has their thing right? the thing that makes their blood boil. the thing that (in the words of the late and amazing Kurt Vonnegut) even if someone had a gun to your head you wouldnt forgive. I have those things. mine are specific. Only a handful of people have reached such a place with me. Things are happening that wont be undone. This is sad. no its not, fuck it.
Perhaps its me. I can be hard to talk to, i suppose. Intimidating a bit. Of course, one would think that with age comes maturity, but one would be wrong.
So it goes.
My eyesight is getting worse. I just looked at the clock with first my right eye closed, then my left. The Right eye doesnt work as well. i suppose that balances me out because the left ear isnt worth a shit.
Even Steven.
I wrote a song a while ago called "welcome to my home." most of you havent heard it. a few of you heard it once or twice, but wouldnt remember it. There is a verse in it that rings true tonight as sleep is the last thing on my mind. I will write it later.
Apathy.
thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. lies lies lies, fuck fuck fuck. Am i on drugs? no. i am feeling too many pure emotions. not pure in the good sense, but pure in the sense of reality. With drugs, you feel all kinds of things, but they arent real. thats why so many people like drugs. they make the real world go away.
inticing.
K. im off. what an interesting night. if you read this and it borders between a Kurt Vonnegut novel and a Wes Anderson film, its because i have watched the Darjeeling Limited a few times lately, and im in the middle of a Vonnegut book called Hocus Pocus.
between that and the figurative sodomy by someone you thought you knew that only gets worse as each new phone call comes in makes things a bit uncomfortable.

oh yea here's that song lyric.

Apologies. and other empty words
refuse to sleep at night- tomorrow almost right..

cheers mates.
b